I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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