you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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