I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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