Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I intend to get homeless drunk
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
