Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
