I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
