Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
