My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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