so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
