the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
