Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
