You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
home. puking in laundry basket.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
