I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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