were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
