i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
