so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
