The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
