I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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