FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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