I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
