when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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