Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
