Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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