it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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