Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
