Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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