Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
