I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
