Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
