I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
