So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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