Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Randomize
