i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
