the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
this just has baby written all over it
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
