I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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