good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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