Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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