i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
