chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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