Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
