I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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