So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
