you would pick up someone in the library
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
