Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
