Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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