I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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