My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
