hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
