Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
