Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
