I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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