Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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